Mind The Gap

London - Saturday

 

• Sing a little ditty
• Hampton Court Palace
• Catching up

 

 

 

A noise outside the window

Woke up to strange noises outside the window. Grunts and harumphs. Pretty weird for 7am on a Saturday morning (or any morning or any time come to think of it). Turns out our street was being used for a riding lesson.

They were so gracious about it that they even left us some reminder plops so we could remember them once they had gone.

 

 

 

 

 

"Thumbs up buddy, we left you some horsy souvenirs"

 

 

 

Personal challenge

Thinking big! By the time we leave London I would like to be able to sing the song below (not necessarily dressed like them) and also to have a bit of a clue about each of the monarchs from William the Conqueror to the present time. This education was lacking from my Camboon primary school and Mount Lawley High School curriculae.

I feel it may be a task too big to manage as age seems to dictate a wider and wider gap between learning and remembering. Maybe that's why I keep hearing "mind the gap"? Talking directly to me.

Zoe and Drew are helping me with the words although memory girl in particular is getting frustrated that each time I learn. A verse, it gets jumbled in my head and Eds, Henry's and Wills chaotically collide within my neuron and somehow change places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like this one a bit better - same words, but pics and lyrics. By the way, should anyone think this is easy, give it a try. Tongue tangles in a minute or less - guaranteed.

 

 

 

 

 

Hampton Court Palace

• Hygiene 4
• The Palace
• Royal Tennis
• Grapevine
• Henry VIII

 

 

What about hygiene 5?

Waiting to get a coffee on the train platform. Noticed the little sign in the bottom right of the picture. I guess I am OK with a 4 out of 5 star rating, but am I OK with 80% hygiene?

 

 

20 out of 100 BAD hygiene?

 

 

 

Does Good mean good or not great?

 

 

 

 

Hampton Court Palace

Once a palace of Henry the 8th, the gardens, surrounds and palace itself are open to the public for a small nominal fee.

 

 

Walking across the bridge to the palace. Note summer sky and feel "breezy" conditions

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quite nice to look at

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not a clue what he is up to

 

 

 

Cool purple rose with a bumble bee inside

 

 

 

The maze is one of the most famous in the world according to the sign at the start of the maze. For many years only the King and Queen or lasses of his choosing were allowed into the maze. Over time, the entry requirments have become far less stringent and maze size has diminished in similar proportion. Still, it was fun to stroll through.

 

 

 

 

 

Self explanatory

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting sucked into the cone tree

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the gardens - reminded us a bit of the lemon garden in Sorrento

 

 

 

 

 

 

Velvet cloaks were optional but (I believe) a necessity

 

 

 

Gryffindor vs Slytherin

 

 

 

Ree and Paula

 

 

 

 

I didn't realize that the Royal Courts would move from palace to palace. They would rock up en masse, indulge in consumption "fit for a king" and in the process almost bankrupt the local region, then move on.

 

 

That's a lot of wine

 

 

 

 

Royal Tennis

The original tennis.

DIfferent balls, different racquets, slightly different court and a mixture of squash and tennis rules.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note angle of racquet head

 

 

 

Evolution of the tennis ball. The early ones were heavy, metal and often had some gunshot inside

 

 

 

 

Grapevine

A story told in pictures

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Henry VIII

The image I had of Henry 8 was a great big uncouth fatty who played the field and killed his wives at whim. Turns out there is a lot more to the story - most of which Zoe taught me. Here is a potted summary with a lot of the boring politics bits removed (mostly because it was all quite convoluted and too hard for my brain to take in).

 

Firstly the Tudors

History goes something like this

Richard 3 (not a Tudor) is King and usurper would-be's are dropping like flies so eventually somehow a Welsh farmer guy who it turns out is about 13th in line to the throne is cajoled into fighting to "take back his country" by the faceless men who seek power in every generation.

The farmer raises an army and is pretty much going to be slaughtered at Bosworth but Richard pisses off the noble of the region (cant remember the details) and kidnaps his son just before the Battle to win his loyalty (the nobleman's loyalty, not the kidnapped sons loyalty). The nobleman writes a note to Rich 3 saying "Kill my son if you want, I have plenty of them" and then sends his troops to fight with farmer guy against Richard 3.

Richard 3 gets killed at the Battle of Bosworth (although some say that Baldrick killed him) thus ending the War of the Roses (which wasn't really - another lesson at a later date). The stuff about him calling out on the battlefield " my kingdom for a horse" is pretty much made up as is a lot of the hatchet job that Shakespeare did on him in Richard the Third which he was writing in a time of Tudor royalty (and you didnt want to piss Liz off).

So the farmer becomes Henry VII, the first of the Tudor Dynasty.

His son Arthur is meant to rule and at age 15 marries a Spanish gal called Katherine (this is important so pay attention). Arthurs yonger brother (by 5 years is pretty much unnnoticed and goes about learning languages, playing sport and preparing for a life of being the King's brother when suddenly, at age 15 and a bit, Arthur gets the "sweating sickness" and dies in a few days.

The sweating sickness is a blog unto itself. It was some kind of viral lung thing that has neveer been defined. It came in epidemics (there were 6 over about 100 years from late 1400s to late 1500, and has not been seen since). Essentially, you were fine, got a (turns out pretty prescient) feeling of apprehension, felt very cold with shakes, headache, neck and upper body aches and exhaustion for a few hours then started profusely sweating, often got palpitations and could be dead within hours! Holy *$%&%$! Even worse, if you survived it, you didn't develop immunity.

Younger brother age 10 is now the next in line for the throne. He is to become Henry VIII.

Henry is very likeable, handsome, svelt and very good at sport. He also takes his job as King and responsibility to continue the Tudor line very seriously.

He marries a Spanish Princess called Katherine of Aragon (not The Lord of the Rings Aragon but that would have made a sensational story). Still a pretty good story as this is the same Katherine who had been married to his older brother. They seem to love each other and have a daughter called Mary but after 18 years of marriage and six pregnancies, the child score is Girls 1, Boys 0. Henry needs an heir so begins divorce proceedings.

The Pope isnt having a bar of this. Henry uses the excuse that the marriage should never have been "ratified" as Katherine had already been married to Henry's brother but the Pope has three reasons to tell Henry that the answer is a resounding "not a chance buddy". Firstly, its pretty clear that Henry and Katherine were really married and divorce is verboten should one be a Catholic, secondly, the Pope was pretty much under the control (read Jailed by) the French King Charles (V, I think) who wasn't so keen for Henry to have a boy heir AND thirdly, Charles V was the nephew of.......Katherine of Aragon.

I missed out a bunch of stuff about how Henry was friends with france then not, then mates again then not as it hurt my head.

After 6 years, Henry starts the Church of England, divorces Katherine (who always loves him) and marries the sister of his then mistress Mary Bolelyn (aka Scarlett Johanssen in the movie) whose name was Anne. As a quick aside, Mistress Mary had been the mistress of the King of France but was booted out of France by the Queen of France. Didnt take her long to "find King 2".

Henry marries Anne Bolelyn who is not liked by the Court. At the time of the marriage she is pregnant and later has a daughter (the half sister of Mary) who gets called Elizabeth and who will become the last of the Tudors and be portrayed unneringly by Kate Blanchet about four hundred years later.

After a miscarriage and still no boys, those who dislike Anne get it into Henry's head that Anne been having affairs. This was almost certainly untrue. It's not clear to me whether Henry really knew that it was untrue but used it as an excuse to get rid of Anne to try and find a wife to give him a son and male Tudor heir, or if he really believed it. Regardless, after three years of marriage, the current Queen and the mother of the future Queen Elizabeth 1 gets a trip to the Tower of London and is beheaded (Henry playing tennis doesn't turn up to watch) after being found guilty of High Treason, Incest (wha?) and Adultery.

So get this. The next day while Anne's jugular contents are sstill congealing, he becomes engaged and eleven days after Anne develops a lack of any further need for scarves, Henry marries one of her ladies in waiting called Jane. Jane Seymour was well liked and even better for her, gave birth to a son called Edward. Unfortunately she dies soon after from "complications" of childbirth. She is the only one of his wives to have received a Queens funeral and the only one to be buried beside him.

 

So far we have Divorced, beheaded, died.

 

Neeexxxt.

 

Anne of Cleves. This marriage was not a good idea. It was purely political. Anne was half henry's age and the daughter of a German Duke. Henry saw her picture in a painting and thought she was pretty hot, but when they met just before the wedding, it turns out that the painting may not have been a very accurate representation and Henry was not impressed! Six months later the marriage was anulled but Anne stayed living in England and actually became good friends with the King who by this time was getting ready to marry one of Anne's more attractive ladies in waiting (maybe they are waiting to marry the king?) whose name was Catherine Howard. They got married 3 weeks after the divorce came through with Anne.

Catherine Howard was naive, young and pretty. Henry by now was approaching 50 and was a corpulent shadow of his former sporty man about town self. Catherine neglected to mention to the King that she had been intimately nnvolved with a dude who soon began to pester her for courtly promotions. They probalby continued having "relations" as she also did with another member of the establishment. Alas for Catherine Howard, nothing stays secret in a small castle for long and she found herself on a boat to the tower for a severe haircut at the age of 21.

Finally Kateryn Parr. She had been married twice, was smart, spoke multiple languages (as did Henry - Latin, French, Spanish, Italian and I think German as well). She actually was in love with someone else but when a Tudor King with a temper decides to marry you, you say "yes your majesty, it would be an honour". they got married at Hampton Court and she proved to be a damn fine Queen. Ran things while henry was off at wars and stuff, was well liked and even got the big fella to reconcile with his two daughters - although on that front trouble was brewing!!!

 

 

So Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.

 

 

DBD, DBS

 

 

 

Henry dies in 1547 after being the King for 38 years.

 

His 9 year old son, Edward VI is next in line and will become the last of the Tudor kings. He is brought up by nurses and Lords coz mummy Jane died when he was young and was said to be VERY serious and not at all like dad although he wouldn't really know that as dad pretty much never comes to visit him or hang out with him. Ed VI "reigns" with the "help" of a council until he dies 6 years later at age 15 of a pulmonary illness that is most likely TB or possibly bronchopneumonia.

 

Enough for now but soon......"are you Mary Queen of Scotts" with a teeny tiny 9 day without even time for a coronation interlude by Lady Jane Grey who just happened to be the daughter-in-law to the Duke who was head of the council runnning the country for the King. Hmmm. Nine days later, she was on her way to the tower for an impending "significant haricut" and Mary, the eldest daughter of Henry VIII had taken the throne.

OK England, its time to be Catholic again.

 

 

 

 

Back to Paula and John's house

 

 

 

Boat along the Thames

 

 

 

Bought crepes at a local Richmond fair - yummy

 

 

 

It's ALL mine ....mwah ha ha

 

 

 

Don't give a 4 year old chocolate

 

 

 

Lovely to catch up with old friends and just hang out. The renovated house was gorgeous, the kids all played nicely together with a bit of gangham, a bit of trampolining, a bit of wall climbing (in a good way), a bit of dress ups and a super dinner. Like a shmo, I forgot to take enough pics so you will have to take my word for it.

 

 

Enough